More Dreams

A couple of weeks ago I woke from a dream crying. Not just wimpering, but full-out sobbing. I don't remember ever doing this before C and I got married. The first time it happened (yes, it has happened multiple times) I was having a dream where one my nephews had all sorts of boils all over his face. I woke up bawling and had to have C console me. It was horribly tragic. I couldn't even tell Emily about the dream for a long time because I didn't want her to think I was some sort of prognosticator. I'm not; the boy is still as adorable as he was when I had the dream.

However, the most-recent dream wasn't nearly as sad. In this dream, my parents' house in Sandy was being invaded by little elves. They started by taking bites out of sandwiches, while invisible--whoa. Then they appeared in the corner and ordered us to get everyone together. I knew I had to get my cell phone (I mean, why wouldn't I need my cell phone?), but it was in the car. When I went outside to get the phone, I learned that my tires had been slashed, along with a couple of other cars in the parking lot. A guy there told me that the cops had already been called. But I was torn because I knew the elves would be mad if I didn't return quickly! The next thing I knew, I was sitting in my car when the Club (you know, the anti-theft device thingy) was magically raised and pointed directly at my head, like a gun would be. I was freaking out because I knew I had angered the elves. It was scary! Then I woke up crying. When I told C the dream, he just mumbled something and rolled over.

The honeymoon is officially over.

I'd Like to Bear My Testimony...

I'm not sure how sacrilegious this post is going to be. I certainly don't mean to offend anyone, so please don't be offended. Maybe I just need to find a better word than "testimony." But regardless, here goes.

Lately I have been thinking about things that are not necessarily religious, but things about which I have a testimony. I came up with the following two:

• I have a testimony of Thermarests. The last time C and I went to Shenandoah, we found out that my Thermarest had a hole in it. "No bother," thought I...foolishly! The first night, C gallantly offered to sleep on mine, and he gave me his fully-inflated Thermarest. However, after waking up the next day completely sore from the experience, he reneged on that the next night. Although thankfully I didn't have the same hurtful experience he did, I certainly did notice a LARGE difference between the non-padded sleeping experience and the padded sleeping experience. Padded wins.
• I have a testimony of endorphins. I don't care how tired I am from work; I don't care how much I don't want to go to the gym; I don't care how depressed I am about the overeating the day before; I always feel a million times better after going to the gym and getting in a good run. Always. Without exception. Invariably. QED.

What do you have a testimony of?

C's Christmas Present

If C got his Christmas wish...

Reality Stars

The other day C and I were discussing television. Shocker. I guess it's better than just watching it without talking about it. Anyway, this discussion focused on the following topic: "If you could be on any reality television show, which one would you choose?" Of course C said "Survivor." And of course I responded with, "You'd be voted off before even making the jury." And he would too; he thinks and analyzes way too much and anybody who thinks and analyzes way too much on this game (except for Richard Hatch) gets kicked off, and kicked off early. Sorry baby.

For me, I would love to be the new host of "Cash Cab." It's this funny game show on the Discovery Channel where unsuspecting cab-riders are surprised to find out they're on a trivia game show. I think it would be fun to make people happy in that manner. Although the driving in NYC might prove to be too much for my traffic-hating soul. Maybe I could do "Cash Cab: SLC" or something.

I would also love to be on "Design Star" on the HGTV channel. I certainly don't claim to be an excellent interior designer or even a good interior designer, but the contestants got to do the most fun tasks and created such cool things. I think it would be fun.

And finally, I think being on the "Amazing Race" would be awesome. However, I'm not sure that C and I could do this together if we wanted our marriage to last. Maybe R is up for it?

Our Giant

C and I have a new favorite grocery store. It's a Giant. We used to shop at an older but closer Giant, but have since been converted to this one. Why, you ask? A few reasons. First, it's not much farther than the old Giant. Second, it's much newer and therefore much nicer. Their produce is ten times better than the old Giant. Third, they have self-checkout! I love self-checkout. And fourth, and most importantly, the new Giant located by a HUGE retirement community. This means that in general, only old people shop there. (Sorry Mom and Dad, but according to the AARP, Social Security Administration, and a slew of restaurants offering senior citizen discounts, you're old!) Why does this matter? Because it means that the self-checkouts will forever be free because the 55+'ers won't touch that new-fangled technology! We love it!

The Couple that Does Stuff

My favorite radio program is one dubbed "Radio from Hell." Thanks to the wonders of the computer, I am able to listen to them every morning, even though it's broadcast from SLC. The crew is made up of two guys (Bill and Kerry) and one girl (Gina). Kerry is a big sci-fi nerd; Bill is...well, Bill. And then there's Gina. The boys area always picking on Gina for something or other. She's an extremely picky eater who is afraid of everything new. She's lazy and ditzy. But she is extremely funny, and the show would be much worse without her. She got married recently and now has this idea that she wants to be part of "the couple that does stuff." Now, it's not Gina's style to actually know what "stuff" she wants to do. Rather, it's more her style to just say she wants to do stuff, because truthfully everyone knows she'll never actually do anything. (Although, to her new husband's credit, it seems more likely that she'll do something with this new husband of hers.)

Anyway, I too want to be part of the couple that does stuff! And like Gina, I'm not sure what "stuff" this is exactly. While C and I get along extremely well (I'm convinced no one could put with me the way he does), I'm just afraid that we'll find ourselves 30 years into this marriage and have zero shared interests. I'm seriously concerned about this. He has comforted me slightly by telling me that we already have quite a few shared interests: running, watching movies (especially those of the independent variety), camping/hiking, traveling, and the new one, dancing. But I'm still concerned that this isn't enough.

Maybe once we have kids this will be a non-issue because we'll be so busy with kids that we won't even have time for one another. But I want it to be obvious to our kids why it is that we're together. I want them to know that their parents like each other and enjoy spending time together.

So I guess my questions are, am I the only concerned about this? If not, then what are others doing about this?

My New Second-Favorite Dog

Everyone knows I loves pugs. LOVE pugs. They're just the funniest dogs ever. Plus, they are quite hysterical looking. (Please don't say, "They're so ugly they're cute!" I hate that line. It's just not possible to be cute and ugly at the same time. You can say they're cute. You can say they're ugly. Just don't say they're both.) However, the other day, C and I went to a dog store because we were bored. Well, they had this mixed breed there that I had never seen: the puggle, a mix between pug and beagle. It was so freaking adorable. I looked them up on the internet and found some flattering pictures of them and some not-so-flattering pictures (the first dog pictured, for example).

Some day when we aren't living in the Grand Pre Ghetto; some day when we actually have a house with a garage; some day when we have an actual yard, we will have a dog. C is fine with this, and even fine with the fact that this dog will most likely be a pug named Ted. However, if we ever decide to add another dog to our family, I am going to seriously look into the puggle variety. C has already named the puggle "sponge bob puggle pants" or "puggle bob square pants" or something close to this. I love it.

Jobs I've Had

I've had a LOT of jobs. A lot of different jobs. I'm not sure that I'll remember all of them, or even get them in the right order, but here's an attempt.

• Babysitting
• Cashier at Eat-A-Burger
• Front desk clerk at Emily's gymnastics studio
• Cashier at Natural Wonders
• "Office Automation Clerk" at the VA Hospital (gotta love those government titles)
• Gift wrapper during Christmas at Cottonwood Mall
• Tutor for an after-school kids program at the U
• Private tutor
• Housekeeper at Jackson Lake Lodge
• Cashier at the deli at some natural foods place
• Front desk clerk at the U of U's Fieldhouse
• Cashier at Kirkham's Outdoor Products
• Substitute teacher
• Front desk clerk at Alta Canyon Sports Center
• Mathematical statistician at the Department of Energy
• TA at GWU
• Visiting Instructor of Statistics at BYU
• Mathematical statistician at current job
• A possible second job??? Details coming soon (hopefully!).

Gosh. That was hard. I hope I didn't miss any. Most people know that my hands-down favorite was teaching at BYU. But does anyone know my least favorite? (Hint: it's not my current job.)

Famous Family

Not to be outdone by his more famous younger sister, my brother went and got himself in the news. I will say, however, that having my livelihood washed down the river is not exactly the kind of press that I would like to have.

Work Density

A long time ago, my friend, Gretchen, and I came up with a genius of an idea, something we titled "Work Density." Though we planned on someday publishing the results in a highly-regarded technical journal, I'll brief you on the idea. Basically, the idea hit us when we were discussing how busy or non-busy we were at our then-jobs. We wanted to a succinct way to represent this "busy-ness" quantitatively. Thus the "work density" was born. It's a simple calculation really. Calculate the number of hours you spend at work; this number becomes your denominator. Then, calculate the hours that you spent at work "actually working." That is, don't count hours spent checking your bank statements online, playing sudoku, or chatting with co-workers about non-work topics. Only the hours doing stuff required for your job count. This number becomes your numerator. Then simply do the division and express as a percent. That's it.

We found this an incredible way to convey to one another how much work we were actually doing. This past August, I'd say my work density was pretty low, probably hovering around 10%. This is not because I was a bad employee; rather, I honestly had zero work to do. By contrast, my mom's work density is usually around 97%.

Limitations of this work density: The measurement is bounded between 0 and 100%. If someone has had an unbelievably busy day, there is no way to express that other than to say their density was at 100%. We have discussed adding an "intensity" factor to supplement the density. Also, work density is an estimate. Unless one actually tabulates how they spent every minute of every work day, there is no way to know what one's "true" density really is. We would like to conduct studies that can give us distributions for density in order to get at the idea of this "true" density.

Given that I've already spent 18 minutes writing this post, I'm sure it's pretty obvious I'm going to have another low-density day.

Fun for Fridays III

Here's another of my favorite websites. Maybe it's not one of my favorite websites exactly, but certainly one of my favorite events captured by HTML. What is it, you ask? Well it's the results from the Ig Nobel Awards, of course! And what is an Ig Nobel award you wisely ask next? Well the Ig Nobel is an award given to "honor achievements that first make people laugh, and then make them think. The prizes are intended to celebrate the unusual, honor the imaginative -- and spur people's interest in science, medicine, and technology." But really? They're awards given to real researchers (people with Ph.Ds included) for research that is mostly ridiculous. One of my favorites is the one given in Physics in 2001 to a UMass professor who studied why shower curtains always billow inwards. Very intriguing. Or what about in 1993 when the Mathematics prize was given to someone who calculated the exact odds that Mikhail Gorbachev is the Antichrist. Eeeenteresting. And a very applicable one: in 2004 the award in Public Health was given to researchers who studied the scientific validity of the five-second rule. Talk about one applicable to our daily lives!

It is my recommendation that you watch the video of the entire ceremony (search around the website for the link). You can also catch an hour of highlights from the show by listening to NPR's Science Friday the day after Thanksgiving (or listen to the podcast some time after that). But whatever you do, either read them or listen to the broadcast because the show and the awards are hysterical.

Take this Job and...

I am really not loving my job lately. I'm not exactly sure why, either. It might be that I'm bored, because I certainly am. I have one project that I'm working on, and I really have no desire to work on it. I have been bored at work for about the past three months. I think these three months have untrained me on how to work. I just can't get back into a groove anymore. Sigh. So this has left me a lot of time to think about the pet peeves about my work. Here's what I came up with:

• HR Departments. I have never found an HR department that I honestly believe does good work. I don't believe they exist. During lengthy conversations with C, we decided that HR departments suck because the people they hire have zero training to work in HR. I could go on and on about the screw-ups that my HR department has accomplished (giving my bonus to someone other than me, not passing on important paperwork, etc.), but I won't. I'm better than that.
• People using the automatic door openers when they're obviously not handicapped nor carrying awkward packages. Honestly, how lazy can you be that you can't even open the door for yourself?!
• People using elevators to go one floor. Admittedly I use it to go only two floors, but that's because we don't have stairs that make it an easy transition between floors three and one. (But if I have to go to the fifth floor, I take the stairs.) However, to go between the third floor to the second floor is an easy DOWNHILL walk.
• Co-workers who have accrued hundreds of hours of sick leave but refuse to use it. Instead, they demonstrate what a "dedicated" employee they are by coming to work and spreading their germs to everyone else. Just stay home and watch Ellen. Sheesh.
• People who think they know how to get the scanner to read the IDs. We got these new scanners that check our IDs before we walk through security. Sometimes they simply don't work. But people behind me seem to think they know the exact way to hold the card so that it will read. Don't they think I've tried everything? Don't they know that the way they're telling me to hold it is exactly what I was doing? Don't they know the person behind them is telling me something completely contradictory to what they're telling me? Everyone can't be right.
• Blocked websites and software. Fine. I get it. Employees use their work time to visit porn. Block the porn. But is there any good reason to not allow employees to use some sort of IMing software? Don't they realize what an efficient method of communication it is? And what's so bad with me wanting to play a game of Scrabble with my sister during my lunch hour? Nothing I say.
• People who bring reading materials into bathroom stalls. I'm not sure why this creeps me out, but it just does.

Did I miss anything?

This Weekend

Saturday night, C and I went to the wedding of one of his co-workers. It was my second non-Mormon wedding, and certainly the fanciest. But I learned that there are pros and cons to each type. First, I liked this wedding because it seems more "typical." I have seen tons of movies with tons of weddings, none of which matches the LDS temple ceremony. So it is fun to see ushers seating guests and a bride walking down the aisle. I liked this wedding because people got fed a real dinner. A real good dinner. We had these tasty pears-wrapped-in-Brie-cheese appetizers, among other things. For dinner, I had some super-tasty red meat. Also, all of the tables had candy (candy!) on them. I dined on the sour gummy worms all night. People genuinely seemed to be having a good time (but alcohol and dancing usually don't fail at this). Don't forget to check out her crazy Mad Hatter cake (or at least one close to it)!

LDS weddings certainly have their pros as well (aside from the whole "married for eternity" thing). First is that the commitment for guests requires a much shorter time. We spent four hours at this wedding Saturday night. Guests to my wedding reception could come in, shake our hands, get some cheesecake, and then be out the door in 15 minutes. And more than likely, our weddings don't generally cost as much as non-LDS weddings. We generally don't feed full-course meals and don't have open bars. I can't even imagine what this wedding cost the couple and their parents. But it was interesting to see.

That was Saturday. Monday was my day to play "housewife" as I was off and C worked. I LOVED it. I felt so productive, but enjoyed the rest at the same time. I slept in until about 7:30, read the paper, went running, showered, cleaned the house, and watched a little TV. I am always surprised at long this takes me (4.5 hours!). I can only image what it will take once I have kids. Then I went grocery shopping. After that, I came home and spent four hours in the kitchen. I made some granola, wheat bread, and chicken noodle soup for dinner. I was able to have a clean, good-smelling (thanks to the granola) house when C got home. And dinner was ready in 15 minutes form the time he walked in the door. It just felt good. Part of me is embarrassed to say this. I like being a working woman and earning my own money. But there is certainly something to say about taking care of a house and a man.

Does that mean I could do this every day? Not sure. Does this mean I could do it everyday with kids? Even less sure. But I would like to try it someday.

Fun for Fridays, Part Deux

During the General Relief Society meeting two weeks ago, a poem (search for "simple verse" to read it) was read by President Hinckley. My sister loved it so much that she wanted to somehow display it in her son's room. I posed this question to the "Home Front" online chat last Thursday (search for "poem" to find the post). But during yesterday's online chat (search for "lettering"), someone suggested this place. OH MY GOSH. It's my new secret desire to use their services sometime in my life. The things that they do, in my opinion, are so beautiful and really add a lot to a room. I just thought it was too cool not to share. Here are some of my favorites:

• Of course I'm going to say snowflakes.
• For some reason I love this monogram.
• This family tree rules, but check out the price!
• And I think this is really cool too.

My Life is Sooo Hard!

So I've returned to thinking (I know you're all so happy). And here's the latest. Often I feel the need to express the following statement: "My life is sooo hard." The expression is most frequently brought on because of something hard like, oh, I just missed the 6:34am train and had to wait three whole minutes for the next one. Or, all the new treadmills at the gym are being used, and I have to use one of the old (but still super nice) treadmills. Or, the most heinous of crimes, someone ruins my "grand finale" mouthfuls of Hot Tamales by eating one of my seven last Hot Tamales. (How am I supposed to eat one, then two, and then **FOUR** if I don't have seven Hot Tamales?!)

Admittedly, the previous examples are certainly not examples of my life being truly hard, but rather me being a spoiled brat (thanks mom, dad, and C). However, there certainly have been times in my life where it has been truly hard. But without fail, something will happen during these hard times and it will make me feel awful about feeling awful, like the time where I saw the show "A Face for Yulce"on TLC. WHOA. I mean, how dare I feel sad about my life when there are things like this going on in the world? I must be a horrible, selfish, spoiled brat for thinking that my life was hard.

But you know what? I'm not a horrible, selfish, spoiled brat for thinking that my life was hard. I may be horrible. I may be selfish. I may even be a spoiled brat. But sometimes my life really is hard. That is, it's hard for me. And I think that's the important difference. What Yulce had to go through was hard for her. And what my dear friend R is going through right now is extremely hard for her. And whatever trials I am going through, are hard for me.

I guess it is just a realization of the doctrine that Heavenly Father gives us only those trials that we are able to overcome. (C would add that this doctrine never says that we will overcome them, just that we are able to do so). I might not be able to overcome the same trials that Yulce would be able to overcome. But that doesn't make my trials any easier. They're still trials. They're still mine. And they're still hard.