Jobs I've Had

I've had a LOT of jobs. A lot of different jobs. I'm not sure that I'll remember all of them, or even get them in the right order, but here's an attempt.

• Babysitting
• Cashier at Eat-A-Burger
• Front desk clerk at Emily's gymnastics studio
• Cashier at Natural Wonders
• "Office Automation Clerk" at the VA Hospital (gotta love those government titles)
• Gift wrapper during Christmas at Cottonwood Mall
• Tutor for an after-school kids program at the U
• Private tutor
• Housekeeper at Jackson Lake Lodge
• Cashier at the deli at some natural foods place
• Front desk clerk at the U of U's Fieldhouse
• Cashier at Kirkham's Outdoor Products
• Substitute teacher
• Front desk clerk at Alta Canyon Sports Center
• Mathematical statistician at the Department of Energy
• TA at GWU
• Visiting Instructor of Statistics at BYU
• Mathematical statistician at current job
• A possible second job??? Details coming soon (hopefully!).

Gosh. That was hard. I hope I didn't miss any. Most people know that my hands-down favorite was teaching at BYU. But does anyone know my least favorite? (Hint: it's not my current job.)

Famous Family

Not to be outdone by his more famous younger sister, my brother went and got himself in the news. I will say, however, that having my livelihood washed down the river is not exactly the kind of press that I would like to have.

Work Density

A long time ago, my friend, Gretchen, and I came up with a genius of an idea, something we titled "Work Density." Though we planned on someday publishing the results in a highly-regarded technical journal, I'll brief you on the idea. Basically, the idea hit us when we were discussing how busy or non-busy we were at our then-jobs. We wanted to a succinct way to represent this "busy-ness" quantitatively. Thus the "work density" was born. It's a simple calculation really. Calculate the number of hours you spend at work; this number becomes your denominator. Then, calculate the hours that you spent at work "actually working." That is, don't count hours spent checking your bank statements online, playing sudoku, or chatting with co-workers about non-work topics. Only the hours doing stuff required for your job count. This number becomes your numerator. Then simply do the division and express as a percent. That's it.

We found this an incredible way to convey to one another how much work we were actually doing. This past August, I'd say my work density was pretty low, probably hovering around 10%. This is not because I was a bad employee; rather, I honestly had zero work to do. By contrast, my mom's work density is usually around 97%.

Limitations of this work density: The measurement is bounded between 0 and 100%. If someone has had an unbelievably busy day, there is no way to express that other than to say their density was at 100%. We have discussed adding an "intensity" factor to supplement the density. Also, work density is an estimate. Unless one actually tabulates how they spent every minute of every work day, there is no way to know what one's "true" density really is. We would like to conduct studies that can give us distributions for density in order to get at the idea of this "true" density.

Given that I've already spent 18 minutes writing this post, I'm sure it's pretty obvious I'm going to have another low-density day.

Fun for Fridays III

Here's another of my favorite websites. Maybe it's not one of my favorite websites exactly, but certainly one of my favorite events captured by HTML. What is it, you ask? Well it's the results from the Ig Nobel Awards, of course! And what is an Ig Nobel award you wisely ask next? Well the Ig Nobel is an award given to "honor achievements that first make people laugh, and then make them think. The prizes are intended to celebrate the unusual, honor the imaginative -- and spur people's interest in science, medicine, and technology." But really? They're awards given to real researchers (people with Ph.Ds included) for research that is mostly ridiculous. One of my favorites is the one given in Physics in 2001 to a UMass professor who studied why shower curtains always billow inwards. Very intriguing. Or what about in 1993 when the Mathematics prize was given to someone who calculated the exact odds that Mikhail Gorbachev is the Antichrist. Eeeenteresting. And a very applicable one: in 2004 the award in Public Health was given to researchers who studied the scientific validity of the five-second rule. Talk about one applicable to our daily lives!

It is my recommendation that you watch the video of the entire ceremony (search around the website for the link). You can also catch an hour of highlights from the show by listening to NPR's Science Friday the day after Thanksgiving (or listen to the podcast some time after that). But whatever you do, either read them or listen to the broadcast because the show and the awards are hysterical.

Take this Job and...

I am really not loving my job lately. I'm not exactly sure why, either. It might be that I'm bored, because I certainly am. I have one project that I'm working on, and I really have no desire to work on it. I have been bored at work for about the past three months. I think these three months have untrained me on how to work. I just can't get back into a groove anymore. Sigh. So this has left me a lot of time to think about the pet peeves about my work. Here's what I came up with:

• HR Departments. I have never found an HR department that I honestly believe does good work. I don't believe they exist. During lengthy conversations with C, we decided that HR departments suck because the people they hire have zero training to work in HR. I could go on and on about the screw-ups that my HR department has accomplished (giving my bonus to someone other than me, not passing on important paperwork, etc.), but I won't. I'm better than that.
• People using the automatic door openers when they're obviously not handicapped nor carrying awkward packages. Honestly, how lazy can you be that you can't even open the door for yourself?!
• People using elevators to go one floor. Admittedly I use it to go only two floors, but that's because we don't have stairs that make it an easy transition between floors three and one. (But if I have to go to the fifth floor, I take the stairs.) However, to go between the third floor to the second floor is an easy DOWNHILL walk.
• Co-workers who have accrued hundreds of hours of sick leave but refuse to use it. Instead, they demonstrate what a "dedicated" employee they are by coming to work and spreading their germs to everyone else. Just stay home and watch Ellen. Sheesh.
• People who think they know how to get the scanner to read the IDs. We got these new scanners that check our IDs before we walk through security. Sometimes they simply don't work. But people behind me seem to think they know the exact way to hold the card so that it will read. Don't they think I've tried everything? Don't they know that the way they're telling me to hold it is exactly what I was doing? Don't they know the person behind them is telling me something completely contradictory to what they're telling me? Everyone can't be right.
• Blocked websites and software. Fine. I get it. Employees use their work time to visit porn. Block the porn. But is there any good reason to not allow employees to use some sort of IMing software? Don't they realize what an efficient method of communication it is? And what's so bad with me wanting to play a game of Scrabble with my sister during my lunch hour? Nothing I say.
• People who bring reading materials into bathroom stalls. I'm not sure why this creeps me out, but it just does.

Did I miss anything?

This Weekend

Saturday night, C and I went to the wedding of one of his co-workers. It was my second non-Mormon wedding, and certainly the fanciest. But I learned that there are pros and cons to each type. First, I liked this wedding because it seems more "typical." I have seen tons of movies with tons of weddings, none of which matches the LDS temple ceremony. So it is fun to see ushers seating guests and a bride walking down the aisle. I liked this wedding because people got fed a real dinner. A real good dinner. We had these tasty pears-wrapped-in-Brie-cheese appetizers, among other things. For dinner, I had some super-tasty red meat. Also, all of the tables had candy (candy!) on them. I dined on the sour gummy worms all night. People genuinely seemed to be having a good time (but alcohol and dancing usually don't fail at this). Don't forget to check out her crazy Mad Hatter cake (or at least one close to it)!

LDS weddings certainly have their pros as well (aside from the whole "married for eternity" thing). First is that the commitment for guests requires a much shorter time. We spent four hours at this wedding Saturday night. Guests to my wedding reception could come in, shake our hands, get some cheesecake, and then be out the door in 15 minutes. And more than likely, our weddings don't generally cost as much as non-LDS weddings. We generally don't feed full-course meals and don't have open bars. I can't even imagine what this wedding cost the couple and their parents. But it was interesting to see.

That was Saturday. Monday was my day to play "housewife" as I was off and C worked. I LOVED it. I felt so productive, but enjoyed the rest at the same time. I slept in until about 7:30, read the paper, went running, showered, cleaned the house, and watched a little TV. I am always surprised at long this takes me (4.5 hours!). I can only image what it will take once I have kids. Then I went grocery shopping. After that, I came home and spent four hours in the kitchen. I made some granola, wheat bread, and chicken noodle soup for dinner. I was able to have a clean, good-smelling (thanks to the granola) house when C got home. And dinner was ready in 15 minutes form the time he walked in the door. It just felt good. Part of me is embarrassed to say this. I like being a working woman and earning my own money. But there is certainly something to say about taking care of a house and a man.

Does that mean I could do this every day? Not sure. Does this mean I could do it everyday with kids? Even less sure. But I would like to try it someday.

Fun for Fridays, Part Deux

During the General Relief Society meeting two weeks ago, a poem (search for "simple verse" to read it) was read by President Hinckley. My sister loved it so much that she wanted to somehow display it in her son's room. I posed this question to the "Home Front" online chat last Thursday (search for "poem" to find the post). But during yesterday's online chat (search for "lettering"), someone suggested this place. OH MY GOSH. It's my new secret desire to use their services sometime in my life. The things that they do, in my opinion, are so beautiful and really add a lot to a room. I just thought it was too cool not to share. Here are some of my favorites:

• Of course I'm going to say snowflakes.
• For some reason I love this monogram.
• This family tree rules, but check out the price!
• And I think this is really cool too.

My Life is Sooo Hard!

So I've returned to thinking (I know you're all so happy). And here's the latest. Often I feel the need to express the following statement: "My life is sooo hard." The expression is most frequently brought on because of something hard like, oh, I just missed the 6:34am train and had to wait three whole minutes for the next one. Or, all the new treadmills at the gym are being used, and I have to use one of the old (but still super nice) treadmills. Or, the most heinous of crimes, someone ruins my "grand finale" mouthfuls of Hot Tamales by eating one of my seven last Hot Tamales. (How am I supposed to eat one, then two, and then **FOUR** if I don't have seven Hot Tamales?!)

Admittedly, the previous examples are certainly not examples of my life being truly hard, but rather me being a spoiled brat (thanks mom, dad, and C). However, there certainly have been times in my life where it has been truly hard. But without fail, something will happen during these hard times and it will make me feel awful about feeling awful, like the time where I saw the show "A Face for Yulce"on TLC. WHOA. I mean, how dare I feel sad about my life when there are things like this going on in the world? I must be a horrible, selfish, spoiled brat for thinking that my life was hard.

But you know what? I'm not a horrible, selfish, spoiled brat for thinking that my life was hard. I may be horrible. I may be selfish. I may even be a spoiled brat. But sometimes my life really is hard. That is, it's hard for me. And I think that's the important difference. What Yulce had to go through was hard for her. And what my dear friend R is going through right now is extremely hard for her. And whatever trials I am going through, are hard for me.

I guess it is just a realization of the doctrine that Heavenly Father gives us only those trials that we are able to overcome. (C would add that this doctrine never says that we will overcome them, just that we are able to do so). I might not be able to overcome the same trials that Yulce would be able to overcome. But that doesn't make my trials any easier. They're still trials. They're still mine. And they're still hard.

We've Got Cheesecakes Over Here

I haven't been thinking much lately, so instead I'll tell a story. Three weeks ago, C and I were helping his family get ready for C's brother's wedding. The bride wanted cheesecakes, so cheesecakes she would have. And cheesecakes we would make, all by hand. At the end of production we realized that there was not enough room in my in-law's fridges to hold all the cheesecakes. So C and I offer to store a couple of them at our house until the wedding. Fine. The only hitch was getting the cheesecakes from their house to ours, seeing as though the cheesecakes were not yet set. No matter; we thought we could handle it.

The drive from my in-law's house to my own isn't that long. The problem is the speed humps. A LOT of speed humps. But, as it was fairly late we thought we wouldn't come upon too many other cars. So we start off on the journey. Within a few hundred yards of being on the road, a few cars caught up to us. As I was driving about 20 mph on a 25 mph road, I pulled over and let them pass. (See how nice I am?!) Now the excitement begins. Another car nears me from behind; however, he gives me no time to be nice before he starts flashing his brights and tailgating me. Being the kind person that I am, I decide that he doesn't deserve me pulling over for him, so I don't. Remember that although this road is only two lanes, it's a widely-used road and therefore has a double yellow line down the center. After about three blocks, the tailgater can take it no more and flies around me going at least 40 (crossing the double yellow line--GASP!). I can see he's livid, but what do I care? At this point, I was just wishing there were cops around to nab the jerkface. But he's gone, and it's over....or is it???

As we are approaching the next light, we notice that the jerkface was caught at the red light (a Kip Dynamite's "Yes" here would be appropriate). We also notice that he's driving a company truck. A company truck with a "How's My Driving?" bumper sticker on it! This is almost as good as if a cop had been there to nab the jerkface. So I'm scrambling for a pen and paper and scurrying to write down the information as I slowly pull up next to the driver (the road has now become four lanes). As I pull up, I make it a point to show this jerkface what I'm doing. But we know that he knows exactly what I'm doing and starts yelling and even rolls down his passenger side window! So I roll down my window (stupid, stupid, I know) just in time to hear the obscenities he's spewing. And the only thing I manage to spit out is, "We've got cheesecakes over here!" Nice one, I know.

As soon as we get home, I call the number and report the incident, my heart still pounding from the encounter. I have no idea what the repercussions were for this inane driver, but I almost don't care. It felt good just to be able to do something about it.

But here's the moral of the story that C and I are applying to our daily lives (again, nice one): Whenever we are driving and get behind that slow driver, or the idiot with his blinker on, or the idiot who doesn't use his blinker when he cuts me off, we take a deep breath and say, "Maybe he has cheesecakes." And then we feel much better. THE END.

Crazy Critter Tale

As mentioned in a previous post, one of my new favorite things are the online chats done by columnists of the Washington Post. I love them. They save me at work when I'm bored, and, when I'm not really all that bored. They are staffed by people who know a lot about a lot of different topics. Plus, some of them are really hysterical (check out Gene Weingarten on Tuesdays or Lisa de Moraes on Fridays). These are my usuals: Travel, Life at Work, any chat about food, Fitness Gurus, Got Plans?, Weekend Now, Tell Me About It, and On TV. I've even won two fancy cookbooks due to my participation in them. Anyway, I didn't mean to spend this entire post on the chats. But, the travel chat yesterday (which I had to miss due to a lame-o meeting) started with an interesting topic. Here's what they wrote: "Tell us your favorite/scariest/funniest critter tale. Have a raccoon crawl into a tent with you? Snuggle with a snake? Swim with the sharks?" And seeing as I had to miss it due to the lame-o meeting, I thought I'd share with you what I would have shared with them. (And I would have won that prize, too. I'm just sure of it.)

The first crazy animal story was during my travels of the summer of 2003. I was making my way to Canada and doing a lot of car camping on the way. This particular leg of the trip found me in Olympic National Park in northwest Washington. It was raining (shocker), and I didn't feel like hiking alone. I was bored in my tent, and so I went to check out the visitor's center. There was a nice man there, and I chatted with him for some time, as I never felt like going back to my tent. When I finally did decide to go back to my tent, I found that it was being guarded by about 20 very large elk. They were all bedded down and completely freaking me out. I didn't dare defy their authority, so I went back to the visitor's center and just chilled. Unfortunately for me, the visitor's center closed not long after I came back to it. Fortunately for me, when I was forced back to my tent, the elk had moved. Phew.

The other crazy animal story happened earlier this year. C and I were in Atlantic City and were enjoying a funnel cake on the boardwalk. Then, out of NOWHERE, a pigeon comes over my left shoulder, rips a piece off my funnel cake, and knocks the funnel cake off the plate and onto the boardwalk. The whole thing took about, oh, 2 seconds and cost me a delicious funnel cake.

My Love/Hate Relationship

I love television. I really love television. But I wish that I didn't really love television. I wish I could be one of people who doesn't have a television in their homes. Or maybe even be one of those people who only watches an hour a week (props to my sister for being this way). Gosh, even an hour a day would be better than what I currently practice. Sigh. But I'm not one of "those people." I doubt that I ever will be. Now that you know that I watch way too much television, I will now divulge all that I am currently watching on purpose. (I'll leave out the incidental viewings of Judge Judy during my runs or Simpsons during dinner.)

• My current favorite is TLC's "What Not to Wear." I love this show. I love the interaction between Stacy and Clinton and the guests. I love how "anti" the guests start out but how truly converted they become at the end. Plus, I just love making fun of how bad people can look.
• Another favorite is Bravo's "Project Runway." I love watching the participants create the outfits. Their creativity intrigues and disgusts me at the same time. Plus, people fighting is always fun to watch.
• A new favorite is HGTV's "Design Star." This is one I just started watching last week. I caught the very last two episodes, but thanks to On Demand, I am working on catching up. I think I like it so much because it's what I wanted Martha Stewart's Apprentice to be. But "Design Star" is actually fun, and the host actually has a good tv persona.
• Here's the embarrassing one: "Cops." Lately I've been feeling that I could one day be a police officer. I loved working at BYU because I felt like I was making a difference. At my current job, I just don't feel that way. But I think being a cop could be extremely rewarding, and, admittedly, extremely depressing. But this show is all about the people-watching.
• Then of course there are the few others that I like: Seinfeld, The Office, Survivor, House, Donald's Apprentice, The Biggest Loser, Arrested Development, Scrubs, Freaks and Geeks, and the guilty pleasure, Sex and the City.

See? I told you I watch a lot of television.

Fun For Fridays

This is one of the funniest things I've seen in a long time. I'm dying. Take a look. (I purposefully omitted the name of the place to make it that much more of a surprise when you actually click on this link.)

This is another one of my all-time favorite funny sites. So funny, in fact, I used some of the results at a work conference in Portland last year.

One Size Fits All...Or Does It?

Something I've been thinking about lately is how some Church teachings, principles, or commandments can be so "one-sized." That is, how one thing (be it a mission, getting married, having kids, etc.) can be (and in some cases, must be) for everyone. In a church that has over 12 million members, it's amazing to me that there are some things that are supposed to be universal. I guess I just don't really understand how a mission can truly be the best thing for all young men. Or why everyone must be married to enter the highest tier of the Celestial kingdom. Out of 12 million people, doesn't there have to exist one person who really doesn't fit the mold of being a spouse or doesn't even want (gasp!) to get married? Or, out of the 12 million people, doesn't there have to exist at least one couple who would be happier without kids?

I'm sure it's obvious from this post on which side my own biases are. As I didn't serve a mission, I can't really comment on that. However, while I really am enjoying being married, I still sometimes miss being single, and often don't understand why being married is essential to salvation. And on a scale of 1 to 100, 100 denoting an incredibly strong desire for motherhood and 1 denoting the opposite, I'm probably around a 7 (although that used to be a 4, so I'm getting closer).

So then, what do people do who do not necessarily want these things? Do you jump in and do it and chance unhappiness in an unfulfilling marriage and grueling demands of children? Or do you not jump in and therefore risk your eternal salvation?

My How She's Grown

Look at the people currently in your life, and think about how long they have known you. In my life, the people that I am around most (in-laws, co-workers, ward members, etc.) haven't known me for that long. I think that this is interesting because I feel like I have changed so much in the past ten years, but those that I am around most don't even know it! They don't know that I used to wear a sweatshirt around my waist constantly. They don't know that I didn't wear make-up until grad school. They don't know that I used to be nice and kind to strangers. And they don't know that I used to cross-stitch like CRAZY!

What's also interesting is to look at the people in your life who you knew really well at one point in time, but with whom you have since lost contact. This is even more interesting to me than the preceding case. In college, I was a girl who really wanted to get married and have lots of kids. I didn't want to work once I was married. I didn't run, and, in fact, didn't exercise at all. I was more tomboy than priss (although I make no claim about being a real tomboy back then). But if I was to run into someone now that knew me strictly from college, would they even notice these changes? Would they see that I turned into a girl who really wasn't that excited about getting married? Would they learn that I've limited myself to two kids (mainly due to the lack of desire to ever own a mini-van)? Would they know that not only do I think I'll have to work, but if I could be teaching math or stats, I'd actually like to work? Would they know that I run about 20 miles a week...and enjoy it? Would they realize how girly-girl I've really become? Or have I changed more in my own head than in I have in actuality???

And kind of related to this, is that I like to cook now. Not just bake, but really cook. I thought that I would share some of my favorite recipes with everyone. To find them (recipes for both cookies and entrees), click on the link to the right that says, "C and E home page."

Thou shalt call his name...

Okay. I have to admit that I find this dream hysterical. It was way better than the dream where my nephew Miles had developmental problems and I woke up crying. (Don't worry; Miles is fine. He was just really short for a really long time! Soon after I had that dream, he finally surpassed the 2nd percentile for height.) So in this dream, Chuck and I just had twins, one boy and one girl. They were two days old, but had already started talking. TALKING. Being a new mom of twins is (I imagine and hope to never know) hard enough, but a new mom of twins who were talking...well, even harder. And unfortunately for me, these twins were sorely disappointed in my mothering skills and didn't hesitate to tell me. I reminded them that I was new at this, and I didn't expect them to be talking so soon. But alas, they didn't have much patience nor sympathy for me. Anyway, someone came over to our house to see the new twins, and I begin to introduce them. I showed them my daughter (whose name I can't remember now) but when I go to introduce my son, I completely blanked on his name. So I said, "Well, he's talking already. Why don't you ask him?" My guest proceded to do so, and my two-day-old chatting son replied, "You can call me Mr. Mullet." --End Scene-- MR MULLET??? What the...?! Where does my subconscious get this stuff?!