We've Got Cheesecakes Over Here

I haven't been thinking much lately, so instead I'll tell a story. Three weeks ago, C and I were helping his family get ready for C's brother's wedding. The bride wanted cheesecakes, so cheesecakes she would have. And cheesecakes we would make, all by hand. At the end of production we realized that there was not enough room in my in-law's fridges to hold all the cheesecakes. So C and I offer to store a couple of them at our house until the wedding. Fine. The only hitch was getting the cheesecakes from their house to ours, seeing as though the cheesecakes were not yet set. No matter; we thought we could handle it.

The drive from my in-law's house to my own isn't that long. The problem is the speed humps. A LOT of speed humps. But, as it was fairly late we thought we wouldn't come upon too many other cars. So we start off on the journey. Within a few hundred yards of being on the road, a few cars caught up to us. As I was driving about 20 mph on a 25 mph road, I pulled over and let them pass. (See how nice I am?!) Now the excitement begins. Another car nears me from behind; however, he gives me no time to be nice before he starts flashing his brights and tailgating me. Being the kind person that I am, I decide that he doesn't deserve me pulling over for him, so I don't. Remember that although this road is only two lanes, it's a widely-used road and therefore has a double yellow line down the center. After about three blocks, the tailgater can take it no more and flies around me going at least 40 (crossing the double yellow line--GASP!). I can see he's livid, but what do I care? At this point, I was just wishing there were cops around to nab the jerkface. But he's gone, and it's over....or is it???

As we are approaching the next light, we notice that the jerkface was caught at the red light (a Kip Dynamite's "Yes" here would be appropriate). We also notice that he's driving a company truck. A company truck with a "How's My Driving?" bumper sticker on it! This is almost as good as if a cop had been there to nab the jerkface. So I'm scrambling for a pen and paper and scurrying to write down the information as I slowly pull up next to the driver (the road has now become four lanes). As I pull up, I make it a point to show this jerkface what I'm doing. But we know that he knows exactly what I'm doing and starts yelling and even rolls down his passenger side window! So I roll down my window (stupid, stupid, I know) just in time to hear the obscenities he's spewing. And the only thing I manage to spit out is, "We've got cheesecakes over here!" Nice one, I know.

As soon as we get home, I call the number and report the incident, my heart still pounding from the encounter. I have no idea what the repercussions were for this inane driver, but I almost don't care. It felt good just to be able to do something about it.

But here's the moral of the story that C and I are applying to our daily lives (again, nice one): Whenever we are driving and get behind that slow driver, or the idiot with his blinker on, or the idiot who doesn't use his blinker when he cuts me off, we take a deep breath and say, "Maybe he has cheesecakes." And then we feel much better. THE END.