Flashback Friday

Although I was unable to retrieve the baptismal picture with me and Tamara, my sis did dredge up this series of pictures. The two pictures on the left show Tamara, me, and Tamara's sister Angela. The two pictures on the right include us and others. (I'm on the far right in both right-side pictures.) These pictures were definitely taken before my ugly stage kicked in. (Click to get a better look at how cute we were.)

Another Adjustment

During my engagement to Chuck, I was mostly excited at the thought of getting married. But part of me was scared to death because I was afraid of becoming a "Mrs." I thought that becoming a Mrs. would mean losing all that was cool about being a Miss. And I was one cool Miss. I loved everything about my life and who I was at that point. I answered to no one. I feared that getting married would change that. However, after being married for a few months, I realized that being married wasn't as bad as I feared. In fact, three and a half years into it, surprise...I actually like it!

But now going through the same thing again. Not only am I a "Mrs.," but now I'm a MOM. I'm afraid that this means that I'm destined for appliqued sweatshirts. Sigh. I'm just not sure that I really want this title. Don't get me wrong, I simply adore Rhett. I do. But this Mom business...that's another story.

I feel like I'm not interesting any more. It used to be that I felt like I was a pretty cool person to know. On our nightly walks with Bruno, it was easy to have good, lively conversations with Chuck about my commute, work, something I read in the Post. But now? I'm one of those women who only talks about her baby. I swore I would never become one of these women.

Also, I miss adult interaction. When my sister called the other day, we talked for 73 minutes. And when Rach came to visit me this past weekend, I honestly thought I was going to give myself a sore throat because I talked so much. It was soooo nice to have someone around that didn't require a voice that's three octaves higher than my normal one. I miss other adults so much that I actually want to ride the Metro again. I know. SHOCKER.

The Family: A Proclamation to the World says that, "Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children." But what if I don't want to be? I guess I always figured that I'd love being a Mom, but really, why should that be the way of it? Just because it's a commandment, doesn't mean I'll love heeding it (as evidenced by so many other commandments). But how to handle it then? Just suck it up and hope you grow it love it, like I have grown to love being a wife? The worst part about it is feeling like something is wrong with me because I don't love being a Mom. The second worst part is fearing that I never will.

Thankfully, I know two people who still like me...

Tagged by Tamara

My "Virginian Mormon Friend" (yes, I had only one) has tagged me. She is my oldest friend and yet I know little about her. But due to the wonders of the internet and consequently blogging, we're learning more about each other every day. She lives this super cool life in NYC and seems to have parties all the time. I wish I lived closer!

(I was going to scan and then post a picture of the two of us at my baptism, but I don't have it. Maybe I'll have my mom send it to me [hint, hint Mom].)

Anyway, here goes...

Rules:

1. Link to your tagger and post these rules on your blog.
2. Share 7 facts about yourself on your blog, some random, some weird.
3. Tag 7 people at the end of your post by leaving their names as well as links to their blogs.
4. Let them know they are tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

So here are my 7 facts:

1. I have never mowed a lawn, nor do I intend to.
2. I would love to be a performer on Broadway, preferably as Eponine in Les Mis.
3. Sometimes my only motivation to go to the gym is so that I can watch cable television (e.g., Project Runway).
4. I am definitely a math snob. If you can't calculate 10% of something in your head, we might not be able to be friends.
5. I might use some of the money we have saved for a house to get laser eye surgery done. I think I would love it. I'd seriously consider using TLC Laser Eye Center simply because it's what Tiger Woods used and endorses.
6. I watch far more television than I'll ever admit to.
7. I'm not afraid to tell people my weight (138 pounds). (Remember people, I had a baby three weeks ago.)
And just because...8. I think Blogger spellcheck is DUMN. Hello...they don't have "internet" in their database? Wow. (And "dumn" is a word I made up. It's an amalgamation of "dumb" and, well, you know. It's for the extra special dumbness. It's pronounced dum-na.)

I know I'm supposed to tag seven others, but I'll refrain. However, if you'd like to do this, go ahead and then let me know. I'd love to read yours!

About a Girl

(The first in a series about the adjustments this first-time mom is having to make to her life. Enjoy.)

In the movie About a Boy, Hugh Grant's character, Will, divides his time into "units," where each unit is equal to 30 minutes. Exercising (i.e., playing pool) = 1 unit. Having his hair carefully discheveled = 2 units. My life has similarly been divided into units, albeit ones that don't include having my hair carefully discheveled.

My units are longer: 3 hours. But each one is pretty much the same. They all start with feeding Rhett. He's breastfed for about 30 minutes and then we supplement with formula; this takes another 15-30 minutes. After this, Rhett has some "awake time." Given his age (three weeks today), I'm not sure how to best fill this time (any thoughts?), but it's usually about 45 minutes. The remaining time, while Rhett naps (about 60-90 minutes), in this unit is spent either sleeping, reading the paper, showering, completing chores, internetting, walking, or eating. Once the unit is done, it's repeated...again and again and again.

This has been really hard for me. I am a girl who loves to cross things off lists. But my lists used to be more ambitious: finish that hat (or any random project), cook something new, go grocery shopping, etc. But now I have to be content knowing I found time to vacuum my small apartment.

I guess it all comes down to "lowering my expectations." Yes, I said lowering. This is a great lesson that I'm trying to learn from my sister. On one camping trip with her cute family, my sis, an avid camper and hiker, had visions of hiking much and doing fun things. However, her little boys had different plans. She then decided that she had to lower her expectations or else she was going to be the one disappointed. That she was able to pack up a family's worth of stuff and make it to a campground should be the goal, not completing that four-hour hike.

So I'm trying to incorporate this into my new life. I should feel accomplished when I not only found time to shower, but shaved the legs as well! Speaking of, I better go...

(I couldn't resist...)

My Major Award

Other than a few walks with Rhett and the dog, the first time I left the house was last Thursday night. That's 13 days inside my apartment...my very small apartment. So the place I chose to go first? Kmart. Even though I usually eschew Kmart, it was close and easy. Besides, they had these v-neck tees on sale for $5. I left the babe with Chuck and off I went.

As I headed for the Women's department an announcement was being made on the loud speakers. It was telling everyone to make their way to the Women's department so that they could enter the drawing for a fabulous (!) prize. Seeing as I was already headed in that direction, I slyly looked for where this drawing was going to take place. Finding the platform was easy, but I still wasn't sure what the drawing was for. However, something inside me told me I was going to win.

Turns out that it was basically QVC-in-person. A girl was trying to sell me (and about 15 others) a set of gold necklaces and bracelets that retail for over $129 (!) for ONLY $29.99 (!). They were hideous. Sorry lady, but they were. At the end of her spiel, we were told that due to the great price, only four sets were available at this unbelievable price. The way to sell them fairly? The first four people who raise their hands...and GO. But no one raised their hands. No worries, we could think about it and come find her later. Then on to the drawing.

When I got home, I joked with Chuck that the only times I have really felt promptings from the Holy Ghost were just before I was about to win something. While this is sadly partially true, this time was no different. I just knew I was going to win. And win I did! Behold my major award! I'm sure I'll never wear it again.

My Heart Grew Three Sizes that Day

On March 21st my heart grew exponentially in its capacity to love. Yes, part of that growth was for little Rhett. But most of it? For Chuck. No one told me that this would happen.

I think most people wanted to tell me that I was crazy for not having anyone come help me with the new baby. My mom and dad aren't coming out until the first week of May, and my sis was unable to be here. A friend offered to come, but I told her to wait. But this is just how I wanted it: Chuck and me getting used to the new baby together. (Besides, I didn't want anyone privy to my anticipated post-birth craziness.)

And I don't regret that decision one bit. We are lucky that Chuck's mom is a NICU nurse, so any health questions are run by her (as well as by the very knowledgeable sisters and sisters-in-law). We are lucky that ward members helped out with food. We are lucky that the first day of Chuck's spring break was the day Rhett was born, giving Chuck until this past Monday before he had to go back to work. And we're lucky that Chuck has enough sick leave to be able to ease back into going to work.

But I am soooo lucky that I have Chuck to do this with. I am lucky that he knows me so well to know how to handle me. He knows what is important to me (getting the paper read) and what isn't (showering). He knows how to handle my cry-dreams (we left the baby in a crib in a hotel room only to return to a charred baby). He knows how to make me laugh. He knows what to do when I'm crying. I feel so incredibly lucky to have him with me to share this experience. I feel like we have become so much closer during these past 12 days, and I was not prepared for this at all. One of the best things about this closeness is that now that I'm not pregnant, cuddling on the couch returns! All of this has just reinforced to me that marrying him was the smartest thing I've ever done.

(I couldn't resist posting these as well.)