22 April 2008

Another Adjustment

During my engagement to Chuck, I was mostly excited at the thought of getting married. But part of me was scared to death because I was afraid of becoming a "Mrs." I thought that becoming a Mrs. would mean losing all that was cool about being a Miss. And I was one cool Miss. I loved everything about my life and who I was at that point. I answered to no one. I feared that getting married would change that. However, after being married for a few months, I realized that being married wasn't as bad as I feared. In fact, three and a half years into it, surprise...I actually like it!

But now going through the same thing again. Not only am I a "Mrs.," but now I'm a MOM. I'm afraid that this means that I'm destined for appliqued sweatshirts. Sigh. I'm just not sure that I really want this title. Don't get me wrong, I simply adore Rhett. I do. But this Mom business...that's another story.

I feel like I'm not interesting any more. It used to be that I felt like I was a pretty cool person to know. On our nightly walks with Bruno, it was easy to have good, lively conversations with Chuck about my commute, work, something I read in the Post. But now? I'm one of those women who only talks about her baby. I swore I would never become one of these women.

Also, I miss adult interaction. When my sister called the other day, we talked for 73 minutes. And when Rach came to visit me this past weekend, I honestly thought I was going to give myself a sore throat because I talked so much. It was soooo nice to have someone around that didn't require a voice that's three octaves higher than my normal one. I miss other adults so much that I actually want to ride the Metro again. I know. SHOCKER.

The Family: A Proclamation to the World says that, "Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children." But what if I don't want to be? I guess I always figured that I'd love being a Mom, but really, why should that be the way of it? Just because it's a commandment, doesn't mean I'll love heeding it (as evidenced by so many other commandments). But how to handle it then? Just suck it up and hope you grow it love it, like I have grown to love being a wife? The worst part about it is feeling like something is wrong with me because I don't love being a Mom. The second worst part is fearing that I never will.

Thankfully, I know two people who still like me...


10 comments:

Tamara said...

No matter what, I will always like you...any luck on getting that picture?

holly said...

Don't judge it all too soon. One of the biggest things that made me see things differently was spending time once a week with other moms in a playgroup/moms group so that I could have that adult conversation and talk about more than just kids.

The thing is, you will still be who you are, but with a new dimension and set of acquired skills along the way.

Niederfam said...

I kindof had the same transition, I felt like I had NOTHING when Mitt was first born, I was just this NOTHING.....and of course as you do I LOVED that little boy and still do more than anything, but the MOM part of the adjustment was totally an ADJUSTMENT. Keep at it and then decide. I think the BEST moms are the ones who do what's BEST for themselves, if you don't LOVE being at home, who's to say you won't be just as good of a mother working as you would be staying home????? Give it time!!!

Living in Tally said...

I remember thinking a lot of those things after going through the whole IVF thing--that I would never be one of those people that only talks about their kids. I was soooo wrong. It is my life now, and even when I don't love it, it is still what I do all day, every day. Luckily there are the moments of pure joy and love that keep me going. Rhett is lucky to have an interesting mommy. When that little man starts talking and asking questions life will become so much more interesting. I must say though, I still CRAVE adult conversation more than anything else...

Living in Tally said...

btw, that picture is sooo adorable.

Lisa said...

I agree with the earlier comment - don't judge too soon! The first few months are really hard for everyone! Don't be so hard on yourself. I definitely don't envy your struggles right now because I went through it also but it DOES get better, I promise. I'm still working on the mothering thing and Matthew is 7! Be patient!

Nicole said...

Babies aren't always that fun and they really are hard work! I've often wished that Molly could walk and think that would be more easy/fun (which, who really knows, right?!). Once Rhett is kind of on a schedule and everything isn't so crazy, then you'll be able to get back to your projects and that helps a ton! As long as you can do something once a day by yourself, for yourself, that definitely helps I think. And call people on the phone to chat. They'll know that you need adult interaction!

emily said...

everybody has pretty much summed up what i would say. the first few months after each of my kids have been born i always say, "i'm not having any more kids." it's hard the first time around, especially.

i don't always love being a mom, every day there are moments that, frankly, i Hate it. but overall, i love, love, love it. i do. i love that when Miles and/or Jonas say, "Mom, hold me" they are talking to Me. and i love that emmy will scoot herself from one room all the way into the kitchen right to my feet - her own way of saying, "Mom, hold me." i won't trade that for anything.

so, yeah, give it time. then decide not only what is best for you, but also equally important - what is best for mr. mullet. who knows what that will be, but i'm sure things will all work out.

Megan said...

Well, it seems like many of us have all had similar feelings. Being a mom is hard, that's why a lot of people don't become moms or let others be "moms" to their children. I struggled (and still do) with going back to work. Somedays Greg has even suggested I go back to work. This is usually after I have a huge melt down and keep saying, "I hate my life! I have no friends. The kids are driving me crazy!!!"
But when I honestly try to make a decision it comes back to the fact that I don't want anyone else being a mother to my children. I don't claim to be the best mom, by any means, but I love my children like no one else ever will and I hope they will realize that someday and look past all of my shortcomings. No one will ever love Rhett like you do or have his best interest at heart. I think that is a key thing to remember when making a decision like this.

It does get better. The first one is the hardest. They are sooooo worth it though.

Just a side note. If I didn't know any better I would have thought Chuck was holding Jack in that picture. Do I detect a hint of red in Rhett's hair? He is so cute!

Vause Family said...

I like you too!