26 May 2008

Further Expounding on Motherhood

(Please excuse the poor writing as of late. I used to compose posts as I fell asleep; but as of, well, the last nine weeks or so, I fall asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow. Therefore, the quality of the writing has shown why I chose a mathematical career instead of one that is writing-based.)

I've been thinking about the recent post in which I admit that I don't yet love being a mom, and may in fact never love it. But here's the big realization: I think that this is might be okay. Please remember: my saying that I don't love being a mom in no way implies that I do not love Rhett. I love him more than I could have imagined. Sometimes it still makes me cry how much I do actually love him.

I guess it's like serving a mission. I can't expect that everyone who goes on a mission will love every second of the door knocking, incessant walking, language learning, and all the other not-so-fun-stuff. Two of my best girlfriends (ahem, yes
g and r, I'm talking about you girls), will definitely attest to this. However, as long as they did the best they could, what more could you, or anyone, ask?

That's how I'm approaching this motherhood thing. I love my baby. I want nothing more than his total happiness, mingled with good health. And I'll do everything in my power to make those things come true for him, even if I don't love every second of it. Maybe this smile means I'm doing okay so far.

Or maybe it just means Chuck's tongue is really that funny.

7 comments:

Niederfam said...

I think that is a WONDERFUL analogy. Very true, I'm assuming, and after all you LOVE the people you SERVE the most!!! Which is a lifelong "job" for those of us mommies, and maybe even wives!! ;)

Meg said...

If it's an consolation, I think motherhood is easier than a mission. And I often think motherhood is really hard.

emily said...

i think you are doing a great job - i don't know how many mothers would say they always love being a mother without lying. there are plently of moments to love, though, and so that's what gets us through.

super cute smile that boy of yours has! dang, he is so good looking.

Nicole said...

I totally hear ya! Great analogy although I wasn't ever a missionary ;) !! And very cute pic of Rhett!

Living in Tally said...

I sooo appreciate your honesty. It is so refreshing!

Gretchen said...

dude. If being a mom is like a mission ... well then that makes me even more glad that I'm swearing off men! haha.

And yes - Chuck's tongue is that funny. ;-)

Glenda said...

I appreciate your honesty, Erin. I'm sure you are a good, patient, kind mom, but let's face it, kids can and will try you at every level at a time when you often feel most physically, financially, even spiritually tapped out. The NON-STOP, INEXPLICABLE crying, the apparent loss of your former self & body (how so many women define themselves), the change in the marital freedom and relationship,(what's sex?; now you feel like a cow, if you're nursing!), the lack of sleep, --I remember seeing totally how people could lose it & abuse their children. Totally. It's a fine, thin line that would be easy to cross.

As far as the mission thing, yes, I believe it is, one that doesn't end. That's why parenthood is a big deal. But hey, like you say, all we can do is the best we can do.

Meanwhile, society paints this perfect image to live up to. . .

Nietzsche's said something that I think applies(even tho he would probably cringe at me having done so!): "The perfect is the enemy of the good." Women work so hard to fulfill their own and our cultural expectations (Mormon and societal, in general) of "what a 'good mother is/does" that precious time & energy is WASTED and, in the process, everybody becomes either unhappy or less happy. So screw that and do JUST what you want & feel good about. I hope you're doing that!

So that's me on my soapbox about motherhood. Yes, and I agree--Chuck's tongue MUST be that funny! Hang in there & just ENJOY him! Don't do it all, just what you can! And sorry to blab. . .